little about little

NYC & Fun

2010-03-08T04:29:00.000-08:00

Had a great day at MOMA and late lunch at Carmines! What a lot of food.
Met Barbaba, Joe, Maggie and Sam on 44th between 5/6 . They went to Canal St while I went o MOMA. Met Jill and Rhett for late lunch. We are already panning the next visit.

Sam is off to school

2009-08-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

The empty nest is a reality. Dropped him at school today @ 8:00 and were done by 9:30. The proverbial trip to Target, unload and unpack, and then on the road again. Time flies...what would we do without cliches.

Progress

2008-10-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Well - down 14 lbs and counting. Ironically, it has not been hard and I've not stressed too much. The best part is that I'm eating better. Last night I went to Friendly's and had fried food - big mistake and my system let me know it.

WW

2008-07-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well the great task is taken up once again. I have again joined the ranks of weight watchers. Tonight was my first weigh in and it went reasonable well; I lost 2.6 pounds. What was positive was that there was no great strain to the process. The slightly altered system, coupled with a new vigor to achieve my goals, seems to be made for me. The points are greater each day, there are extra points available to fall upon if you have a bad day and all this leads to a less hungry, slower weight loss program. Most important is that I am eating much better and am willing to explore culinary options once eschewed. Ironically, I've been so careful the past few days I have to eat a lot at dinner to fulfill the point total.

So, the goals are to

lose at least 35, better yet 45 pounds in the 6 - 9 months
lower cholesterol
get off pressure med
run a 1/2 marathon sometime in the next year

Unhappy

2008-03-19T18:11:00.001-07:00

Interesting homily at the Vincentians this morning. The reading was the one about Judas and the 30 pieces of silver. The story is so familiar and the image so over used they've become cliche. Yet, it still works and it's still rings true. How often do we see people, colleagues, friends, ourselves for all love, selling bits and pieces of ourselves? I guess the sale of self is not simply the issue, perhaps it is inevitable, but the real issue is can we see what we are doing and continue the lifelong process of seeking change and grace.

What is the difference between the betrayal of Judas and the betrayal of Peter? Judas saw that what he did was wrong, but why, after walking all those years with Jesus could he not ask for forgiveness. Judas bothers me and Peter inspires me.

I see Peter in my Vincentian friends, most older priests who are more forgiving than chastising. They recognize their own weakness and in mass speak of the need to be forgiven. They too inspire and give comfort and the wisdom of long lives.

Talmon

2008-02-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

He sweated. Silent and still in the crowd, Talmon kept his distance from the rest. Not touching, he strained to keep others from touching him. He strained to keep the loose, light robe from swaying and touching his skin so that the sweat would glide in cascades undisturbed. He hated being touched. The crowd‘s noise rose in a crescent with the dust kick by their many feet. They stood in a semi-circle as if in an amphitheater to watch the grand spectacle. And it would be a spectacle of noise, blood and the strange release of hatred thrown at another who you fear. But the woman was a not the one feared, it was the teacher. Talmon did not understand why it was made known to him that he should be at the foot of the olive grove and to be prepared. It might be fun – a stoning and then maybe another if the crowd could be worked carefully enough. So he stood the morning sun, hot, and waited.
The teacher came first with the usual crowd of indigent, intelligent and curious onlookers. Some were there to listen and learn while others were mere spectators waiting for an event so they could rush off and tell other and reflect the glory of the event with its retelling. Talmon had seen the man often enough in the temple and streets. He was never alone, always trailing humanity buzzing like flies with incessant talk and laughter. Even Talmon had followed and waited for something to happen, hoping to hear something that would explain the crowds. There was a wonderful quietness and lack of striving in this man. Many of the other teachers or masters had an edge and attitude, but not this one. As the teacher sat, there was an odd heaviness as if he carried a burden. But maybe, like Talmon, it was the sweat and he moved slowly so as to avoid the cloth touching skin. He was very still and Talmon appreciated this stillness. And in this stillness, the people came and sat near him to wait, and watch, and listen. His message as always was simple and straightforward. In some ways too simple for the scholar Talmon, who, when struck with a moment of humility, liked the idea that he could as easily confound his students and friends as enlighten them, and there was power in this shading.

Alice Cary

2007-12-04T18:02:00.000-08:00

I'm at the tail end of my sixth class, which has been a struggle. Even Mo tells me that I never seemed to connect to the course. I wish I could figure out why since I like the professor and enjoyed many of the works. The only thing I can think of is that I'm the type of student who likes to hear what the teacher has to say, what other scholars have said, and then react. I don't like sitting around and simply talking about the text for three hours, especially in a small group.

One fun thing is that I've begun to read Alice Cary's work and I like it - especially after Hawthorne. I find this entire 19th century group of transcendental writers tiring. They are too self absorbed and this hurts their work. I still love Melville, Twain, and now Alice Cary. Her work is lyrical and there is an oddity in the tales, a depth of human understanding that I have loved so far.

Reading her makes me wonder why women authors seem to fall off the end of the earth. To what extent is the male scholarly world too self-important to take the straight forward writing of women seriously.

Salmon River

2007-10-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

Mo and I hikes the loop around Day Pond - what a day. It was as nice a day for a hike as I can remember. The hike was pleasant enough, slight narrow trails with many rocks. There were a number of rock walls and maybe a foundation or two - it felt good to be out in the woods. There was one bad thing and that was three motocross bikers tearing up the trail. Mo got mad because I told them it was a hiking trail, but it really was dumb to be where they were. It has been nice to be out on a weekend without worrying about correcting papers and re-working lesson plans. I was at school the other day working with seniors who are working on a website for me. It is always great to go back as a visitor, and there are days when I realize that despite the decreased tension, I will miss the kids.

A long time...

2007-08-12T18:49:00.003-07:00

Hard to believe how long it's been since I've blogged, a function of being too busy and too lazy. We just got back from Topsail and returned via Gettysburg. Sadly, G-burg will never be the same since Ajou died. We visited her and Larry's graves. There is now this quiet void and my sense of the battlefield is more connected to the sad aspects of the battle. I feel more of the loss than ever before. I'm still fascinated by the place and its distinct aura, but it will never quite be the same - no welcoming home to return to after roaming the field. Now we return to a hotel. The kids also feel the loss and, ironically, their feeling of loss reaches me and spirals me in that direction.

A long time

2007-08-12T18:49:00.001-07:00

Graduation

2007-05-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

We're back from a wonderful graduation at CUA. What a weekend!

Antonio

2007-05-07T18:13:00.001-07:00

How can I explain Antonio? He's not my student. I really don't know him, but he has, will always have the most profound impact on me. He is as close to a saint as I will come. A middle school student with MS, so severe it has quickly eaten his ability to move and will eventually eat his ability to live. Yet, he comes to school every day he can. In a wheelchair, shaking and mute, a living sponge who does not simple soak in live around him, but exudes an energy and will that is hard to describe. His mute will is a model for me and should be for all in school. But life goes on around him and those with all their life ahead of them willing chose to destroy it piece by piece. I do believe God has some rationale for Antonio, but I do wish for a miracle, for a quiet man to walk into our school someday and simple say, "get up and walk." Oh, how nice that would be. Instead, I think that quiet man will come in the cool of the morning and say "get up and walk with me" and Antonio will follow to somewhere without the labors of this world.

My feelings remind me of a poem by Theodore Rotheke I'd read long ago but never quite understood until now. I am neither father or teacher, but will always treasure his presence.

Elegy for Jane
(My student, thrown by a horse)

I remember the neckcurls, limp and damp as tendrils;
And her quick look, a sidelong pickerel smile;
And how, once startled into talk, the light syllables leaped for her,
And she balanced in the delight of her thought,

A wren, happy, tail into the wind,
Her song trembling the twigs and small branches.
The shade sang with her;
The leaves, their whispers turned to kissing,
And the mould sang in the bleached valleys under the rose.

Oh, when she was sad, she cast herself down into such a pure depth,
Even a father could not find her:
Scraping her cheek against straw,
Stirring the clearest water.

My sparrow, you are not here,
Waiting like a fern, making a spiney shadow.
The sides of wet stones cannot console me,
Nor the moss, wound with the last light.

If only I could nudge you from this sleep,
My maimed darling, my skittery pigeon
.Over this damp grave I speak the words of my love:
I, with no rights in this matter,
Neither father nor lover.

No blockage

2007-05-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

Well the call said there was no blockage; however, I still don't know why there are symptoms. What struck me was that once the specific crisis was over, i.e. no specific, treatable issue, communication fell off. It seems that one issue in our medical system that fails in the communication piece. I called and got an appointment to discuss the test, but i really think that should be an automatic appointment. Treat the issue with preventive strategies before it becomes a problem, not what we now do which is wait for a crisis and then act.

Stress

2007-04-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

Well, vacation week is almost over. What a weird week. First, it rained most of the week, only at the very end did it evolve into sunshine and warmth. It was a busy week and stressful. I spent most of the week working on my research paper on the Cathedral of t. Joseph for my architecture class at Trinity. I really enjoy the research part of the process - I realize I simply love to learn. However, I also enjoy the telling everyone what I know part of the process as well. I find I'm more competitive than I've ever been about grades and as a result create stress in the process. I want the highest grade!

The week had more stress as I went for a nuclear stress test on Thursday. They shoot nuclear isotopes into you and watch them course through your heart to see if there are any blockages. I won't know about the results until tomorrow. I suspect the doctor isn't concerned or else he wouldn't have waited til Monday. It takes two hours and is a slow process. While on the treadmill, my blood pressure shot up higher than they wanted, so he put me on beta blockers. I really hate taking medicine - I can't stand the blood pressure pills I'm on. When I think about it, I realize the pills represent aging and they force me to acknowledge my age, the act of turning 50 this year, and I resent it. On the other hand, I try to acknowledge the fact that they might help me reach age 80 - come back in 30 years and read my response at that time - it might be more grateful. I laugh because I don't feel 49 going on 50. In many ways, I feel younger than at other parts of my life, but the pills are the bell that tolls the years. I need to figure out if I can change my lifestyle in some way to get off the pills. The start, I hate to say it, is losing 35 -40 pounds - no wonder I'm on pills.

We also finished most of the Annie set this week. Ryan, Andriana and Sam all did great work. We could not have done it without Andriana's artistic skills. Ryan is a very fortunate husband.

Sam was with me since he got a 'D' in math, simply because he did not do his work. Every other grade was in the 80's. His consequences are: not driving permit, no TV (except the Red Sox), computer games, video games, and we took his cell phone away (except when at school so he can call to be picked up). At this stage, he'll be living the life of his brother in a Dominican priory.

Easter

2007-04-08T03:17:00.000-07:00

A new dawn opens and new hope arises. Hope is what Easter is all about. Of course, since the first Easter, every day brings hope. Everyday also brings the unimaginable love of God and his unrelenting well of forgiveness, and Lord knows we all need it. There is a great relief in understanding this forgiveness. There is no way we can be eternally strong, but we don't have to grieve, simply live, listen, strive to do our best, and have hope.

Peter

2007-04-06T18:39:00.001-07:00

How grateful I am for Peter. I see him as a true gift to all of us, so passionate, and weak, and sinful, and, finally, triumphed in his commitment at the end. I find him a great comfort since he walked with Christ, heard His words, saw His work, experienced His miracles, and yet still denied Christ three times. It seems he is not better than Judas as that point. The huge difference is that Peter believed in God's message of forgiveness and wept bitter tears of regret, while Judas chose death. I truly hope that somehow Judas recognizes his mistake and accepts God's grace. It seems that His love and forgiveness is so vast we can never imagine it, so vast even His betrayer is welcome to it. The gift of Peter is that he is so much like all of us and yet overcame his obstacles in the end. Caravaggio's image is him is so wonderful. You can he is strength and that wonderful attitude where he asked to be crucified upside down because he is not worthy to die like Christ. I hope I some day can have his faith and strength and also hope I am never tested as he was..

Stones

2007-03-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about a recent reading from church this Sunday, one of my favorites. It's about the elders who bring the adulteress to Christ and ask what they should do. He is so calm. He does not respond immediately, but writes in the dust. Finally, He suggests that the one among them without sin, throw the first stone. The crowd fades away leaving Christ with the woman. "Where are they: he asks and then He says he will not condemn her.

I begin to realize that this resonates with me because it is not about the adulteress but me. Christ does this for me, for us, everyday. We are with Him in His silence, a palpable presence, who looks at us and says that He will not condemn us and the we should go and sin no more. Of course, we do, and, again, He is with us and repeats His forgiveness. He will not condemn us - we are the ones who condemn.

Saint Joseph Cathedral

2007-03-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in the beginning stages of writing a paper on the cathedral. I have always been intrigued by the building. At first, I thought it was out of place, even ugly. But then I walked inside and was enthralled - it really is a building of contradictions. I found a quote by Wilson Faude to the effect that the architects spent more time on the interior than on the exterior - ouch! My comment in the paper is that this is reflective of the Churches teaching - what is inside matters more than what is outside.

I have been to the Archdiocese's archives several times and I've come to realize I could easily become a recluse, hanging in archives, libraries and living in the past. I also realize I love being a student more than a teacher. If I win the lottery or when I retire, I'd like to be a student, researching, learning and writing.

Guys and Dolls

2007-03-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

Sam was Skye Masterson for the last 48 hours. He did a wonderful job, as did the entire cast at Stage East. He said to me afterward that when he came out and everyone was slapping him on his back and saying what a great job he did, he almost cried. That's one of the many things I love about Sam - he is so not full of himself, but surprised by his own success. I pray he stays that way. He is so unassuming that you can't help but love him.

REI

2007-03-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

Went to the REI Cranston store opening - what a great store and great people. It made me realize I would enjoy that aspect of development work. I like meeting new people and learning new things. I also enjoy the hunt aspect of selling and developing. REI was impressive, not just the store, but the corporate culture. The CFPA Board meeting the evening before was also interesting. I think the Pinchot/Muir play is a real opportunity to promote out mission of saving open space and trails.

After REI, I went to Gallery Night at Cathy's. It was fun. I forget how impressive she is and how wonderful her gallery has become. Why do we take our siblings for granted? Auntie Ev and Baka were there and it was so pleasant sitting and visiting. It is so wonderful to have people like Auntie Ev in my life. I see her once or twice a year but it's as if we had just visited the day before. The sense of belonging is great - I realize I'll never stop being a Rhode Islander. Baka and Pop looked great - I'm blessed to have them.

Henriette DeLille

2007-03-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

When I read about people like Henriette DeLille, I realize how selfish I am. I also think that her type of generosity and love must be inspired by God. He does reach and touch a special few. I am more inspired by this type of love than I am the pomp of the Church. She is what Catholicism is all about.

I think it is also interesting that controversy and racism are still a part of her life as there are differences of opinions as to how she should be classified. Is the Church painting her darker than she was to speed the canonization process? It is ironic but looking at her portrait I would not know she was black. How strong she must have been to embrace that part of her bloodline rather than hiding from it.

Phi Beta Kappa

2007-03-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

Cal called to say he was nominated, to his surprise. It is ironic that now as he is entering the Dominicans this honor will have a different meaning. I used to see it as a stepping stone to some material benefit. Now it is what is originally meant, recognition of academic achievement.

Viet Nam redux

2007-03-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

I'm starting The Things They Carried this week with C Block. I plan on starting by reviewing the facts of the war, which are so vivid to me, but unknown to them. As I start this unit, my frustration with Iraq grows. As I look at the pictures of young men in battle, I grow sad. We will forever repeat history and the grief it brings. The false patriotism kills me just as it kills thousands of innocents. So it goes.

New Britain Museum

2007-03-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

We went on a private tour, bought by a friend at a charity auction, of the New Britain Museum of American Art. The new building opened just last April and it is a real gem. What I love about the museum is the quality of the collection and the museum's intimacy. Doug Hyland gave us a wonderful tour. He is very knowledgeable and, once you get past the museum demeanor, a pleasant person.

The Benton murals are still moving after the many times I've seen them. The collection is diverse and well mounted - you flow easily and feel contented even after only an hour.

It was great to see Susan, Jim, Debbie and Jim, again. We are really an odd set of couples, but somehow it works.

Esto Vir

2007-02-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

Cal called to tell us that he was accepted into the Dominicans. He will start his novitiate this summer. I feel a sense of completeness - a long road that has reached its end. A new road lies ahead. You know they must walk it alone. You are also on the road, but it is their road, not yours.

Here's the start.

It's the end of a long night of poker, cigarettes, and beer. 23 or 24 years ago. I'm alone with Uncle C, known to the world as Fr. Damian Fandal, teacher, interim President of U. Dallas, Provincial of the Central Province, TV personality. As usual, he'd separated all of us from the stray nickels and dimes we'd laid in wager. He'd also humored me with his argument about why women shouldn't be priest. "Of course" he says "you are a heretic, but that's okay." In response I say to him something inane and then told him, "Uncle C, since you can't acknowledge your own children," we both laugh at the absurdity of the statement, "I think we'll name our first son after you." When I told her, Mo laughed and said, yes, it was a great idea. And so Callery got his name, and, I guess, his calling.

Uncle C died too young, but I do feel that a small part of his spirt will live on with his namesake who has accepted the same challenge in life.

National Portait Gallery

2007-02-23T05:54:00.000-08:00

I had an hour to kill and was still in museum mode. Mo and Sam were well out of museum mode, in fact, they are rarely in museum mode, so I decided to take the hour before we met Meg and Cal for dinner and visit the National Portrait Gallery. Unlike the other Smithsonian's that close at 5:00, the Portrait Gallery closes at 7:00. An hour is not a very long time to visit a new museum, so I went right to the Info. Desk and asked what I should visit. They were very helpful and suggested a portrait exhibit that was closing the next week and the Presidential Portrait Gallery. Both were wonderful - I could have spent much more time. I am generally not drawn to portraits, but the Presidential portraits were compelling. With each painting there was a brief biography with some key fact about the man, not just history. It again reminded me of the importance of story telling in art. Yes, the painting exists as an object of beauty in itself, but a story, or history, can make the piece come alive for the viewer in a completely different way.

One thing did strike me in viewing the Presidential Portraits - the art of portrait painting had declined. The masters are of the past, not the present - at least in painting. I suspect photography is where the art of portrait had now gone. Don't get me wrong, the recent portraits were compelling, but they were not the same as the older portraits. In some ways they were more flat. In the older portraits, you could see the joy or pain in the eyes of the man. I think it was the eyes that I focus on - the windows to the soul - and some did show the wear and tear of power. I saw the decline sometime around Grant. The only recent painting I stayed with one the abstract portrait of Kennedy. Ifs form did reflect the man and the time - a jumble of unclarity and the sense of something unfinished.

Unfortunately, the Museum was closing and as I walked out I passed numerous rooms that teased me and drew me to them. Oh well, next time I'll have to allot more time to the NPG.

Embrace

2007-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

Smiles in the silence
Beautiful flowers bloom wide
Embrace our father

Smiling

2007-02-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

They, mostly, are smiling. Warm smiles. Shy smiles. Look into the camera and smile. The smiles make it all the more poignant. They were 20, and 21, and 22, so young that they could be my child. There was one young woman, 20, caught reading, a smile about to spread on her face. Her name was Jennifer Marie Parcells. 20 and brave. She, no, they, could have been the future of the world, but their smiles will only shine in the brief silence of the roll call of the dead at the end of the NewsHour. We tell our children,"waste not, want not" and yet we waste the lives of so many, not just in Iraq and Afghanistan, but everywhere in our history.

For years, I read about Viet Nam and wondered how it could have happened. Now we see history repeat itself, even when we followed Santayana's advice and desperately tried to examine our history in the hopes of not repeating it - for nought. Perhaps, it is simply fate and Vonnegut was right - "so it goes"...and smile for the camera

Snow Day

2007-02-12T17:47:00.000-08:00

They came in anticipating the news - snow. There is a palpable excitement for what students feel is a stolen day. No where to go and a clean coverlet of white to disguise the scars of the urban landscape. Ahhh - Halo till their eyes fall plop,plop out of their heads. Some teachers are equally as excited. I must admit that I like snow days, but not too many since they eat into the clear, sunny days of June. I would also prefer a day mid-way between Winter and Spring Breaks. For now, hours before the winter deluge, (hyperbole, I know, but its been a bad snow year) I'll try to keep a level head and hope for a delay.

The Historian

2007-02-09T12:50:00.001-08:00

I went to the library and got a book on tape. I hadn't listened to a book for a long time because Sam and I, while commuting to school and back, have been listening to sports stations or Colin (until Sam can't take it anymore). I thought I'd listen when he's not in the car. I picked the The Historian without knowing anything about it but just remembering that someone said it was great. Sam moans when he gets into the car and it is on - I forgot to turn it off. In order to act like I'm really in charge, I tell him to be quiet, I want to listen for a little while. Eureka - he gets hooked. The book is a page turner about vampires, but is well written with many fine turns of phrase and images. Now I can't listen to it without him in the car.

I love it. It's so important to find that thread of connection with your children, who you love so much that even you can't understand it. The two of us look forward to getting in the car and listening - together. It connects and joins us in a common endeavor. I love that he loves the story and the words and the images. That excitement resonates in his voice when he talks about the book with me.

Each day is a treasure. A small jewel to set aside in my box of memories. He turns 16 this weekend and that means he'll be driving and the eventual loss of our joint commute. Yea, being his chauffeur is a pain, but it's also painful to think of its ending.

The smile

2007-02-05T09:36:00.002-08:00

It was a silly pun, a bad joke, but she smiled. I realize that she'd never actually smiled at me or one of my comments. She'd always snarled or ignored me. I guess it didn't help that I kept tossing her from class and exiling her to a quiet room next to my classroom. She struggled in class because she can't read well, or write for that matter. I think that classroom anger is more of a result of fear of failure than anything else. For those of us who love the classroom and easily fit into the standard societal mode, it is hard for us to understand these students. As a result, we butt heads and when authority is challenged, especially the thin shred of teacher authority, the reaction tends to be an overreaction. This is what happened with me and this student. For several reasons, one being she would not come to my class for a few weeks, a middle ground was found and I was able to help her. She is no longer in my class and now, without the oppressive performance expectations hanging over our heads, she is free to be human and kind, as I am. Today she smiled for the first time, and I can smile for the first time in a long time as well.

Me and Humbaba

2007-02-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

Time flies. It's hard to believe how long its been since I blogged. Of course, I'm blogging on two class blogs so I'm fulfilling part of my need to write in those venues. However, its fun to have this break and see how frustrated I was when I last blogged. A lot has changed. We started a new semester and the problem girls have been out of the POD. It is truly amazing how quiet and calm the POD has become with the simple absence of two people. I really like my new classes. I start the day off with an honors class and its great to work with receptive minds. We started reading Gilgamesh two days ago. Now, Gilgamesh is my favorite epic, but I'm usually an interested audience of one. Yesterday, we were reading aloud and I was comparing the text to sections of Genesis. When I was done with the comparison, I decided to stop reading aloud and was going to summarize the rest of the tablet. They were outraged - they wanted to read the whole tablet, aloud and in class. I was stunned with happiness. Today I made the error of telling them that Humbaba would be killed and several of them were audibly upset - they were so into the tale that they were outraged I would give away a key fact before we read it. This is going to be fun.

I spoke to Adam yesterday, and they are interested in continuing our talks. I'm interested and it looks better than I had hoped.

Mr. Negative

2007-01-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

Two incidents have bothered me this week and it made me realize how often we tend to focus on the negatives in life rather than look for the positive. I have a particularly difficult student who I constantly find breaking the most basic rules of the school. I'm not the only one, but she is convinced that I am the root of all her issues. We have a dress code and she is constantly out of dress code. She is a nexus of trouble, on her cell phone in school, swearing in the hall, getting into fights, destroying school property. She had been suspended five times since school started. I e-mail her mother all the time trying to figure out how to prevent her from failing the class and convincing her that she should behave. I have excused assessments and allowed late assignments for all her work. Nothing works - her mother wrote to say she thinks I am picking on her and yet I'm only a small percentage of her 15 referrals to the Principal.

As students were on their way to lunch, I saw this young woman in the locker bay in front of my class leaning up against the lockers with a young man grabbing her hips and beginning to grind. Of course, I call to them to stop and bring the young man into my classroom to tell him that he could get into trouble for that type of physical contact. He tells me I'm picking on him.

Some days I think it would easier to simply shut the door and ignore, but I just can't. I must have some OCD thing about following rules.

So I'm depressed. Then I remember another student, who fought me all last year. She stopped to tell me she liked my class and learned a lot. I think most of my students like me, but the greatest amount of feedback is the negative. Ironically, I think that is true for students as well. Teachers tend to tell them what they did wrong, not what they did right. I think I'll try to say a positive comment to each of my students this week and thank them for their efforts.

Well, maybe not all of them....

Finals

2007-01-15T17:31:00.001-08:00

A crazy week ended and a new one will begin. Finals begin on Wednesday and then a new semester begins the next week. It's a time of new beginnings and new opportunities. It is somewhat odd because amidst the newness is the fatigue of mid-year. I am looking forward to the new semester. I have an honors group, which I think will challenge me and visa verse. I also have my contemporary literature class, which I really hope to experiment with a new writing focus and individual project work. They will each pick a book, short story and poet and teach them to the class. I will work with them to develop ideas and presentations. I hope it is fun for all of us.

Cal's countdown continues. Graduation and, with the blessing, acceptance into the Dominicans. Sam got one of the leads, Skye Masterson in Guys and Dolls so the excitement continues.

Recovering

2007-01-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

Back to school and all its craziness. Cal and Meg left on Sunday and I haven't decided if the house is back to normal or not. Is it possible that normal is when Cal and Meg are not here? It's odd - they are happy, as we are, when they come home. There is no greater excitement or anticipation than when they come home. Yet, I sense there is some relief on their part when they go back to school. Oddly, while I can't say its relief, there is a sense or normalcy when its just Mo, Sam and me. I fight the idea that it is sad. Life does go on and I force myself to look forward and see the positive of life changes. The problem with high school and college is that life is boxed into 4 year segments and that makes time speed up. And, really, it's not quite 4 years since the junior and senior year are, in our time, as much about looking ahead and enjoying the present. We do so hurt ourselves by always looking forward instead of seeing today.

I was involved in an odd incident in school today. We had a big meeting about behavior and then a separate meeting was held with 20-30 students who are chronically in trouble, suspended, and disrespectful and a specialist in these behavioral issues. I was talking to a senior about strategies to get her into Middlebury when I heard a noise that I thought was a fight. As it turned out, it was 6-8 of these troubled students in the hallway - I guess returning to class. As soon as they saw me they laughed derisively. I decided to ignore them and went back towards my room and continued my discussion. Then one of the girls said loud enough for me and the student to hear "Hey, there is more of us, we can jump him." I can't say I felt threatened, but it was definitely meant as a threat. I thought about it a little after and contempated how it is a short jump from verbal threat to action. I'm frustrated that my colleagues and too many teachers in too many schools have to put up with this type of verbal abuse. The bright light in all this chaos was my discussion with my former student, who wasn't a big fan of my class. It was a delight to see her growing up and realizing her talents and beginning to apply them. That is why teachers teach.

Holidays on the road

2007-01-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

My holiday week. Up on Saturday, 12/23 and on the road to Baltimore by 5:30 AM. Visit my brother, great time; drive to Jeanne and Jake's in Westminster. Dinner. Up early and go to Gettysburg, PA to visit Ajou and Pa Pa's grave. My heart aches every time I'm in Gettysburg. I miss them and I miss the wonderful times we had as a family while we were visiting. I wonder how hard it must be for Mo. I'm rarely nostalgic, but I'm always so when I now go to Gettysburg. Even now I have that hollow feeling writing about it. Oh, well. Drive back to Westminster. Dinner and open gifts. Jake makes up a game for every Christmas. This year it was Family Feud. It was a lot of fun. Jake truly is the salt of the earth, as Ajou always said. Wake up early and drive to Kathy's for dinner with 40, count them, 40 relatives. She did a great job and it was great to see so many people. Drive back to Westminster. Up early and on the road by 6:30 AM and return to CT. Can't sleep. Next day we drive to Providence to see Baka and Pop. Drive home.

Crash and write bills, do some year end tax work, correct unit tests, start on essays. Sunday, drive to Providence for Baka's birthday party at Cathy's - it was great. Cathy and Baka gave us a wonderful picture album. My sense is that my parents are beginning to empty their house and give items to all of us. It's healthy and good. They are 79 and 80. Drive to Boston. Hang and celebrate New Years with Rick and Lisa. Meg and Sam were with us. Cal stayed home and had a small party. 2007 will be a big year for him and us as he graduates and decides on the priesthood. I'm sure it will happen for him, but it is still up in the air and in God's hands. Drive home and write lesson plans.

What a holiday! I'm almost grateful to go back to school.

Adieu

2006-12-13T15:06:00.000-08:00

Change has always been a part of my life. As an Army brat, I used to move every year and a half or three years. I'm used to meeting people, connecting with them, and then saying goodbye with the expectation of never seeing them again or seeing them next week - it was all the same. I find the same sense of personal change and connection in my Trinity classes. You meet a new group of people, perhaps a few you knew from other classes, you spend time each week talking and exposing small bits of yourself. You grow comfortable with the group and then, poof, it all ends.

I will particularly miss this class because it was an unusual, mixed group of grads and undergrads; the young and not so young. I will also miss it because no other class had such an immediate impact on my daily life, communication skills, and work life. This blog will continue in one form or another and will be a legacy of the class. My class blog is another legacy and probably now takes more of my time than this one. It will be interesting to see if I continue to write here or create anew - we'll see

Simple

2006-12-09T11:40:00.000-08:00

I was intrigued by Fimoculous and absolutely loved Indexed. With my ongoing obsession with the way the blogs look and how that attracts readers, I always try to both react naturally and analyse a blog when I first view it (how stupid does that sound). I've come to realize I like darker colors and clean lines, certainly a feature of Fimoculous. I also like sites that I can learn something from, or one that makes me laugh. Fimoculous also attracted me because it gave me a limited number of blog choices that someone took the time to vet. This, I realize, is also important to me. I love books but get depressed in bookstores, especially the big ones. There is so much I want to read, but I can't read them all, and I can't decide , and I walk out even more depressed than I entered, without a book. I like it when someone says,"hey, read this." I was in a book club several years ago and read some great books. I read more often because I had a deadline and the opportunity to discuss what I read. When I think about it, my blog is an opportunity to fill the discussion void when I now read or see something. I think many of us attend graduate classes to read and discuss and use the furthering of our education as the excuse to do so.

Now, Index. I liked it because of its visual simplicity, its humor, and its thoughtful complexity. I believe that poetry, specifically haiku, is a wonderfully thought provoking literary art form. These seemingly silly little cartoons also force you to think, and then think again. It's neat to think about a person who thinks in terms of words and the visual. Cartoonist obviously fit into this category. It is an art form we take for granted, but it can frame or dissect an issue more effectually than many, many words. I use the Cagle site in class when I teach Dante to discuss how Dante uses words to create visual images that satirize the person or topic. My students always remember the cartoon not Dante - some teacher.

2006-12-03T18:14:00.000-08:00

Having convinced, OK, coerced my 15 year old to let me onto his My Space site, for research purposes mind you, and viewed his friends, including two of my niece’s sites, my academic analysis is list below:

Ouch! Argh! Eeek! Stooooooooooooooooopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!

As a parent, my reaction is

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Now, ethical dilemma - does a graduate student doing a class project tell his in-laws that their daughters are posing and posting pictures of themselves on My Space for their, obviously (uncle talk) lowlife, red neck, someone needs to slap you around boyfriend (can’t she do better than that) or assume that as a caring parent they are fully aware (i.e. sneaking on to her site) of their daughter’s technological forays into to this, obviously benighted, evil, gosh, Joe Lieberman was right, cyber world of ours.

Conversation over phone:

Jim: Hey, it’s Jim. Happy holidays.
In-laws: Jim who? Oh, my god! What’s wrong? Who’s hurt?
Jim: No one. Gee, why do you ask?
In-laws: In 24 years as a brother –in-law, you’ve never called us. So we were concerned. Sorry…so, what’s happening?
Jim: Oh, nothing much. I just happened to be surfing the net, specifically My Space, for my graduate class at Trinity College.
In-laws: What the hell kind of college has a class where you cruise My Space? Is it one of those internet colleges? What is it called, Phoenix something…
Jim: Let’s not go there. So, how is your daughter doing? Hey, how’s her My Space site doing?
In-laws: (Silence)

All joking aside, I was appalled by what I saw. I know that it is silly. I work with teenagers in school all day long. Still, what I saw reinforced the concerns that everyone has talked about. My own son’s account was benign, probably a function of being grounded so often for grades he can’t spend time being more creative. Besides he’s a boy and it was intriguing how less mature and open they were than the girl’s sites. I felt like a voyeur. I asked my son, and will ask my students, why does everyone post pictures of themselves? Hasn’t anyone been watching TV? He posted a picture of himself and his sister. He says he’s from down south but his picture shows them wearing Red Sox gear at Fenway. No, he’s no 007. The talk about parents, drugs, alcohol, the bad grammar and spelling…I think I’ll block My Space and then call Lieberman’s office to apologize for that Lamont vote.

Wow, I’m depressed. I’m going to bed. I think I’ll dosomething adult and mind expanding. I’m going to watch “The Girls Next Door”

2006-11-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

I am still interested in the question of why and how people choose to read a blog. I believe there is a something to be learned from the marketing world. I found several articles that appear inter sting. The first is on how incredibly fast most people make decisions as tho whether they will stop at a site, which is must be driven by the visual. There seems to be some debate about the actual time frame, but no matter what, it is very short. There is also a book , see review, on the issue and the focus appears to be visually based - color and clean lines. I thought this academic article was also interesting.

There is also this blog about the the visual being as important as the writer’s content.

I came, I saw, I blogged

2006-11-26T18:40:00.000-08:00

I was building a PowerPoint for tomorrow's class and I came across this little gem about blogging while looking for new templates with which to wow my students. I thought it had some merit. It points to the community building aspects of blogs, their personal and professional natures, and the wide variations that makes blogs so difficult to define. The Crabby Office Lady is the column. By the way, poor Caesar must roll in his grave whenever his words are reused for our mundane purposes.

Thanksgiving, 2006 - the race

2006-11-23T18:42:00.000-08:00

The wind was driving the heavy rain into my ear. My shoes were soaked and I shook my head like a dog to get rid of the drops of water hanging heavy on the bill of my hat. I was in the second mile of the Manchester Road Race, going up the hill with over ten thousand other runners. The woman next to me said to her running partner, “Well, this is one we’ll tell stories about” and she was right. There was pouring rain, a strong wind, and sheets of water slipping down the hill, and I was happy. Mo, Meg, Sam and I were running together while Cal held down the fort at home. Last year we missed the race because we went to Nancy’s in Virginia for Thanksgiving. Now, the chi was being brought back into balance – the god’s of the race knew we’d missed the snow last year and decided to reward us with cold, wind swept rain to make up for it.

Baka, Pop, Cathy and Art and their friend, John, came for Thanksgiving. Dave and Darsie cancelled at the last moment and Tom and Julie went to Long Island, so this year was smaller than usual, but it was great. It was such a relaxed day. Ironically, our dishwasher broke last night, but it made the day even better. We stood at the sink and washed dishes while others dried. We talked and laughed and called to wash instead of dry– just like the old days. I told Cal how I used to wash dishes with my grandfather and how I always remember him telling me that you had to use water so hot it would scald you if you kept you hand in it. For a brief moment, he was with me again – I was him passing on the same lesson. I guess that is what holidays are for – to remember and create memories.

The race got the day off to a perfect start. This was the first year we’d all ran together. Meg talked about how they used to come and watch me race, and no matter how carefully they looked they never saw me. If we can get Cal to run, it will be even more fun. It was a good race –Meg and I finished together, holding hands as we crossed the finish line. Sam was an easy five minutes ahead of us. I saw Mo about 100 yards ahead of us and told Meg we should speed up and catch her at the finish line. She said she didn’t have it in her to speed up and that I should go ahead. I said no - I would finish with her. Some things are small gifts God gives us and finishing with Meg was my gift for today. Carpe diem. Next year, next year we’ll catch up together and finish win together.

Blogging and the person

2006-11-21T18:41:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about why I blog - especially since I felt challenged last class. It was interesting to have one's blog analyzed while you sat there. I think the issue was my statement that I am not interested in writing my blog for an audience, that it would evolve into a record for me - and those who have begun to read this site. I stand by that statement despite the obvious fact that I am careful about what I write. I think I have found the answer in the article that Colin posted about blogs. While I write for myself, I am very much aware, especially during this time while in class, that others will be reading the blog (the article talked about blogs existing between private and public space). I also find that people in class, and at least one person outside of class, respond more positively to my personal posts than class related posts, so I am even more aware of their style and content. I guess what I was trying to say was that I don’t see myself trying to create an audience for this blog, and, therefore, shaping it for that audience. I am writing for myself, but recognizing that someone might drop in my ego requires some style and care.

I also think the blog represents my personality, which tends to be careful and formal, and that, by the way, is what interests me about the visuals of blogs. I changed my blog when Aldon commented on it and I saw it through someone else's eyes. It was boring and did not represent me. I realized that I needed to change the code and reflect my love of art, words, and living in a pleasant, colorful place. The blog is my cyber home and I wanted it to reflect me.

I think we are attracted to blogs in the way we are attracted to people, albeit in a superficial way). We instinctively search for visual clues that subliminally inform us if we have something in common with this person and should stay and connect. Visuals tell us about the person and either attracts us or not. The same thing happens with blogs – we look and are either interested or not. My question is what are those visuals and do we consciously or unconsciously build them into our blogs.

Information and me

2006-11-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

I gave a presentation to my colleagues about my teacher blog. As a result, there are now two more blogs in the world. It was really cool when they came up to me to show me their blogs, as if I really knew what I was doing. Both are much younger than me and I took absurd pleasure in being able to introduce them to new technology. On the internet age is not an issue. One is an intern who is a UCONN masters student and she talked about how this would be able to help her communicate to her teacher. I really appreciate all that everyone of you have taught me. This technology has really helped me open up new avenues of expression and information gathering and communication.

Lift the veil.

2006-11-19T18:47:00.000-08:00

I don’t know why, but the fact that bloggers and other net based sites are built on made up names and anonymity bothers me. I fully understand that there are times and situations when anonymity is critical and needed. However, it seems that in most of the blog world it really isn’t necessary. It seems a way to back away from reality rather than confronting or embracing it. What does it say about a person who creates multiple personalities to communicate with the world, or to play a site like Wikipedia for your own ego building purposes?

I love blogging and have actively encouraged others to start blogging. It is a great way to speak when you are alone. I heard Colin say the other day on his show how he sometimes speaks to himself out loud in public and how cell phones are a help since it appears everyone is speaking to themselves. I’m not an only child but I can relate. I use the blog, as I am now, to express my thoughts. Many times I find that I argue with myself as I write and the act of committing thoughts to type helps mold them more efficiently. If I am not me when I blog, then I don’t think I can be as truthful. I know that sounds odd. If I have the veil of anonymity, I think I would not be as thoughtful – I would speak without thinking and that is not me. I suspect that a lot of negativity and ‘flaming’ is a result of people being able to hide behind the fake persona, and it is this aspect of blogs I detest.

Homework - connected at last.

2006-11-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

First, I liked everyone and appreciated their sincerity and true interest in people and trying to do what was right. I would say I related most to genghis conn, the librarian. I felt he was a thoughtful person who was straight forward and honest; a person who was unafraid to voice an opinion or opposition but thought before he spoke. I believe he is truthful when he states that he is trying to create a forum for discussion and information. The nature of his work lends itself to such a goal. As I said before we met them all, I really liked Connecticut Local Politics. In fact, just last night I referred my neighbors to the site as a source of reasonably objective information and insight. The issue had to do with who voted for Lieberman and the role of independent voters in the election. Little did I know it would be a topic of today’s entry?

The article in today’s Courant only reinforces my opinion about him. I can relate to his information driven style and the way he weaves it into a story. The interesting stuff is, many times, in the small details of history. I’m a history buff and always am struck but how such huge events turn on some small detail – a captured missive, animosity between two people, illness, egos. I have to wonder, though, would Chris have been able to achieve his current status without blogging. I would so not. I think he is a creature of this media and his knowledge had given him a unique edge, which, by the way, benefits all of us since we need people like him and his colleagues to open new doors to old rooms.

Technology open door

2006-11-19T17:39:00.000-08:00

Here's technology for you. I've had trouble connecting all week. Why, you ask? It's because of my family cat. You see, in order to keep the cat out of my space, I act real nice an lure her to the basement to feed her and then shut the door to the basement so she doesn't bother me. It just so happens my router is in the basement, a remnant of my old office being there. I just discovered that if I keep the door open I get an excellent signal. If I close it, I can't get much of a signal.

Cat - 1, Jim - 0

How we relate to technology is really absurd at times. Many of us are unsure how to deal with it and then you go to your tech guy at work and tell him the printer is broken and you've done all the book tells you to do in the trouble shooting section. He tells you to turn it off, count to 15 (hard for us English teachers) and turn it back on. It works. Now I realize all my connectivity issues are related to something as simple as a closed door. Meow.

Connecting to Information - Canto II

2006-11-14T17:55:00.001-08:00

I have always been in an information gathering and sharing position. In banking, I was in sales and management. I was successful because I could take complicated financial concepts and communicate them out to a broad audience – the aged widow and the hostile board or investment committee – with equal success. I loved the trust and investment business because it never stopped changing, and being a source of information and communication was an important position. There are a myrid of reasons I choose to leave banking and go into teaching. The basic reason is I wanted to do something good, something that was not simply about making money and focusing on everyone elses idea of success. However, I also always thought it would be fun to teach. That fun involved learning new things and then turning around and giving that knowledge to a group of young people. What I never quite realized is that my audience might not be interested learners, but more like the hostile client who doesn't want to listen to you. It interests me that my sales and management experience are as important to my teaching survival as my academic knowledge. When I think about it, my career choices, success, and happiness have been directly related to my love of learning new information and my desire to share it.

Connecting to information - Canto I

2006-11-14T17:38:00.000-08:00

My relationship with information is that I am a hunter and a feeder. Like my friend, lednik, I listen to books in my car, hundreds of books of all types. It drives my wife and kids crazy. They love to listen to music, but if don't have a book, I’d just as soon ride in silence with my mind free to roam over a myriad of thoughts rather than listen to music (I also enjoy talk radio – if it I learn things). My daughter, who I love more than life itself, will rage at me for wanting to drive in silence. Generally, I lean towards books I would not ordinarily read. For example, I just listened to a Gould book on statistics and evolution – even for me that was an exception. It took me weeks to get through it, but it was worth it because now I have some understanding of why .400 hitting no longer exists in baseball and how statistics are manipulated in politics, medicine and, my other passion, investing. I just love to learn new things, which is why at the age of 49 I’m slogging to classes at Trinity and not being able to sleep class nights thinking about all that we discussed.

When I listen to novel, which is often, I listen to historical novels. They entertain and I learn about new eras with minimal effort. My favorite series is the Aubrey-Maturin Series by Patrick O’Brian. I’ve listen to them and read them several times and will do so again, with the blessing. Ironically, the main characters live for music and could never understand my lack of passion for music.

Part of the thrill in hunting is connecting information and finding something new. I believe in understanding the historical, social and personal aspects of literature and writing. I can relate to the Formalist idea of viewing the work as a piece of art detached from the world, with specific intrinsic qualities, but I can’t see any work operating in a vacuum.

Blogging has interested me for two reasons: it allows access to new, broad, unique sources of information; and it creates a space to explore information and to express my thoughts about the information. I now have two blogs and plan on creating another in a few months. This blog is for class, but it’s also to document my thoughts and feelings. My second blog is to document my class, to connect the text to other ideas, and to explore or express my interpretation of the text. The blogs help my feeder instinct.

Election overload

2006-11-12T17:54:00.000-08:00

I like how spazeboy let blogs speak for themselves. I thought this was helpful, informative, and true to the early ideas of blogging.

MyDD was also informative; however, it was depressing to see that Hillary Clinton is the front runner for the 2008 nomination. I just don’t think that she will bring people together. There is so much baggage and animosity – too many questions concerning ambition and decisions to ignore marital infidelity. What else will be ignored to gain the brass ring?

It was great to see Colin’s article linked by Matt Stoller. The article is a cross between 1984 and the Animal Farm. Napoleon and the dogs will be teaching us from now on. The Lamont bloggers are arriving only to be rounded up and sent to the glue factory. Actually, after reading the Lamont related blogs, the victorious rout and revenge would not have been much different if Ned had won – Snowball, Napoleon…Trotsky, Lenin...Ned, Joe…hmmm.

I never was a Pelosi fan; in fact, I was scared at the thought of her as Speaker (yes, I have listened to Rush this last week). However, after seeing her at work and reading about her on Daily Kos and MyDD, I feel better. I am pleased to see her support of John Mutha – talk about odd couples. I saw a piece with the Salon editor in which she pointed out how Pelosi is not your typical San Francisco liberal – she will surprise people. She look tough and could take the cream puff Rush out in the first round if given a fair fight – fat chance (pun intended). As an aside, I still find MyDD and Kos hard to grapple with – too much and too crowded.

I love connecticutlocalpolitics. It’s informative and easy to use, and it linked Colin. As I have been reading these sites, my hope for Lieberman moderating his views are evaporating. It started with his speech, then his press conference, and now the I/D after his name – someone has to kick the pedestal. He’ll be starting his Presidential bid before we know it.

This exercise has been helpful in that taking the time to look at multiple blogs allows you to see patterns of information emerging. This can’t happen when you view limited numbers of medium. One does have to be careful – I think it is equally important to see what the other side is saying, and to read and listen to them. I get a lot when I listen to Rusk or Sean (or my father). The blogs, coupled with traditional media, give us a range of information upon which to dwell and then act.

Lamont Blog

2006-11-12T16:59:00.000-08:00

LamontBlog represents all that interesting and disheartening about blogs, and it’s been a trip the past few days. First, I did vote for Lamont, and some might say I threw away my vote, but I’ve been doing that since I voted for John Anderson way back when. We need people like Lamont to step up, take the hits, the verbal slings and arrows, to bring attention to problems with the status quo. I do think his candidacy forced Sen. Lieberman to re-examine his position and, perhaps, he will evolve and change. He is too savvy a politician not too, and I hope his savvy will lead him away from the war. However, I am concerned after hearing Lieberman’s speech after the election, when he said he was beholden to no one but the Connecticut voters, it sounded as if “the CT voter” was an afterthought.

I was surprised at the animosity in LamontBlog – it did not mirror the wonderful speech Lamont gave in conceding the race. His speech was about building for the future and getting things done. The blog appeared to be about tearing down. The proverbial hatchet needs to be buried so the country can move forward and resolve this war. I’m less concerned about Lieberman having an I or D following his name, as long as he votes with the Ds on the most important issues. I’m not saying that the Party should forget, but politics does breed strange bedfellows, and the more bedfellows in a vote the better.

Finally, the comment threads got depressing. M. Palmer sounded threatening – like Jason, and energyanalyst seemed more interested in insulting than conversing. If he/she is so anti-Lamont, why take the time to bait and criticize – it’s a waste of energy and reveals more about the damaged ego than the topic.

Dante on the mind

2006-11-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

I am living with Dante, again, and the Inferno burns as icy hot as ever. As with many of the texts I teach, I have become consumed with its themes and ideas. Dante is so difficult since it roils the very core of our existence. He forces us to think in terms of good and evil and to confront the magnificent fact of a God who gives us the opportunity to choose between the two. We are not compelled but given the ability to think, to rationalize, and to choose – how frightening. It would be so much easier to be told what to do, to be directed – but He does not do that. He somehow trusts us. Dante tells us God’s love is unconditional and all we have to do is choose to accept love, but then he shows us all the other choices, the seemingly easy ones that prevent us from choosing true love. Dante is so relevant because he shows us the basis of so much misfortune and grief - selfishness and pride. I like teaching Dante right after the Odyssey and Confucius since they, especially Homer, focus on the same theme. Odysseus goes to Hades to wash off the pride of the hero of kleos, and to find nostos, the hero of homecoming – the placement of family on home over self. We find heaven when we lose ourselves and see only others we love.

I happen to catch part of the Today Show on Veterans Day and there was a segment on the Jewish concept of the afterlife, of heaven and hell. I found it very comforting – the idea so similar to my own beliefs, and somewhat Dante’s. There was one big difference, and I have to find out more. It is a key difference that seems so in line with Christ’s teachings; it is also something that would address many of my student’s concerns. One of the rabbis stated that hell to Judaism is more of stopping off place to heaven. (He also described this world as a porch to the heaven – an image I love.) It seemed more like my Catholic sense of purgatory. It fit with the idea of God’s unconditional love. Many of my students ask why such a short period of time on earth, one filled with so much inequality, should determine one’s eternity. This concept of being always able to choose love, even in hell, is an interesting twist– an idea that Dante might have evolved to if his own life weren’t so unhappy. While I love Dante’s work, I find him a difficult person – someone who could not find the forgiveness he so eloquently explained was always freely offered to us by God.

I may rue the day I wrote this...

2006-11-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

I will miss class tomorrow so I thought I'd blog about my political decision making and the information I access. I think of myself as a relatively informed voter, but I find that my decisions tend to be more emotional than I'd like to admit. I read a lot but I'm like most voters in that I tend to believe those articles and blogs that reinforce my views. My reading is mostly newspapers, web sites, and, now, blogs. It's seldom that something changes my mind unless I'm really on the fence. One thing that recently informed my thought process was a reawakening to the way in which Congress works and the great importance of who is in power (a Washington friend who is a lobbiest was depressing mw with the details). So, I may like a Republican, but if I want a foil to the Executive, I need to think in terms of voting for a candidate of the party who opposes the Executive. I see why many have turned on Lieberman, who I would normally support (I only did not vote for him when he ran against Weicker). However, I am so opposed to the war, that I will not vote for him. I find I'm voting against candidates rather than for candidates, which is why, I suspect, that negative ads are so effective. I happen to like Lamont and have been impressed with his views, the people who work for him, and his campaign. I will vote against Jodi Rell. I cannot see how she is not tainted with the Rowland scandal, especially after the debacle involving her son - a perfect example of abuse of power, or the perceived abuse of power. I'm disappointed that there is not a stronger alternative. I will vote for Joe Courtney and against Rob Simmons. Simmons is a war supporter and I've never voted for him before. I will also vote for Bob Farr (whose blog is terrible) since I do think we have lost focus on local CT legal concerns in pursuit of publicity driven suits. Interestingly, I will vote for Cathy Cook since she was so impressive on Colin's show and it appears that the Comptroller's office has not been on task. So here is my voting philosophy and I'm not proud of it - throw da bums out.

2006-11-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

A new site from some of my students.

The Fraying Thread

2006-10-31T16:30:00.000-08:00

It’s the little things that I remember and this evening will be one of them. One of those small, subtle shifts that define your life – Sam, for the first time, didn’t go Trick or Treating. The same thing happened with Cal, and then with Meg. Sure they would dress up to go to parties in high school and college, but that is not the same thing. Sam is our last, and we will not go into the dark Halloween night with him anymore. The doors opened by Cal and Meg are being quietly closed. The child part of our lives is fading and the adult child phase is galloping upon us. The burden for the oldest child is to be the first at everything, to open the space of new experience; and the burden of the youngest child is to be the last, closing the doors to small rooms of memory, to be opened but not entered again.
Yet, there are new doors to open and my experience is that those new doors will hold excitement and joy. I have always looked to the new with anticipation and looked forward to change. But for tonight, I will wait by the door for the small ghosts and goblins to appear while wrestling with the memories of my old ghosts and goblins, their etherealness trying to fill the dark evening. And they never will.

Voices

2006-10-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

I really like to blog. I say this because so many of my blogs appear negative or critical when they are meant to be reflective. Blogging allows me to think about something and then write my thoughts. It also gives me an excuse to write. I am intrigued with the written word and why some works are so powerful while others are flat. Since the focus of the class is how blogs and other blog like vehicles are mediums of communication, I have tried to think about how sites are physically structured, how language is used, and how readers react to the information. After reading Colin’s entry ‘I, Robot,” I went looking for McLuhan again and found this brief but informative piece. I think I better understand Colin’s comments on McLuhan and the relationship to my comments. McLuhan believed that “the underlying notion is that the message is greatly impacted by the delivery system.” That is what I was also trying to say.

The reason why blogs and similar types of computer communication can be difficult is because we use so many more tools to communicate in person. When we see someone face to face, we use words, gestures, touch, eyes, expression and voice to add, shade, or change our words. We also have the person in front of us, which can also change what we say and how. This could because we are physically affected, emotionally sensitive, or simply hypocritical. Since I believe that most of us tend to be kind, I believe that this also impacts out interpersonal relationships – if you have nothing good to say, say nothing.

We have the advantage of voice when we communicate over the phone, and the distance is also a factor – more break-ups occur over the phone for the reason that the person does not have to deal with the emotion and can easily terminate the call. The issue with blogs and their medium is that you have a lot of distance. You might not know your audience so you might write too directly or so much in the middle of your anticipated audience range that you muddle your message. Or you might be analytical out loud, saying what you might be thinking while coming to a conclusion and what is read or retained is one of the options and not the conclusion. You are not directed to a person so your technique is more diffused and that can be harsh or less effective. The medium does shape the message because of its limitations. It also shapes the message because of its advantages, a broad distribution, easy entry, and, in many case, anonymity.

MetaFilter and beyond

2006-10-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

Some thoughts for class or later...

I like MetaFilter. It is the kind of site that I find interesting and easy to use. One can easily get lost, but in a positive way. For an information junkie, it's a great fix.

I was intrigued by Aldon's comments about MetaFilter, et al being Web 1.0. The web is different than many other mediums in that newness lends credibility while experience and history almost seems a negative trait. To what extent are we caught up in a marketing, sales pitch, a disposable consumer mentality for website. To be hip is to know what is new, whether it is better or not is not the issue. You're in the clique if you know the language and sites.

I would like to discuss and learn more about the importance of visual appeal for sites. Some attract me and seem easy to use, while others turn me off and I find them confusing. I liked digg but not clipmarks. I'm sure its a personality, age, culture thing, but one worth exploring.

Formal Hall

2006-10-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

I was looking at MetaTalk and found a reference to this entry. Would they close the class if we held it at one of these events? Is this a real thing or more wiki-misinformation? I also got a kick out of this post on flash mobs. While funny, one does have to wonder where people have the time to do these things, and why? Is it because as individuals we feel powerless and, therefore, feed the urge to find power and self worth in a mob? Or is it that the people who do this are so stuck to their computers, stuck often enough to see these mob calls, that they are hungry for human company and can only fill that hunger by going to these events. Their personality doesn't allow them to open up to other venues of human relations.

Something wiki this way comes

2006-10-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

So there I am looking up the phone number for my son's school, East Catholic, on-line, and I see that the school has a Wikipedia entry. I looked and laughed. Jason was right - there is a little mischief in many entry's. The last two lines made a comment about how the students were not happy because the administration's values were being imposed on them. When I went to pick up my son, I walked in and mentioned it to a teacher I know, which led to a discussion on why students should never use Wikipedia. That was about 2:45. I'm home writing this entry two hours later and I went to copy the funny lines for this entry. Presto, chango, the hand of the Almighty is at work, and no longer is administration imposing itself on students, but

" In our education of the whole person, we value academic excellence, personal growth and social commitment. The success of the Catholic educational endeavor depends on the belief, commitment and participation of faculty, staff, administration and students in collaboration with parents and the wider community. In keeping with this philosophy, East Catholic admits students of any race, creed or ethnic origin."

I wonder how long that will stay up. I'll make it my project to guard the ECHS entry with my digital life.

Digital gangs

2006-10-24T14:18:00.000-07:00

What is it that moves someone to drive two hours in the evening and then back because someone wrote a post about you? Is it curiosity, the need to see people who have digitally connected to you, obsessive compulsive behavior, an ego larger than a houseboat that was offended, or the urgent need to right a wrong and win converts to your cause, or maybe all of them? Perhaps, it’s just me, but I’m becoming as interested in the people who blog, wiki, and create multiple digital identities for themselves as in the mediums.

I like the frontier analogy because it fits with people who might not fit into society for a variety of legitimate reasons or not. Why is it that people need to create on-line communities – what is wrong with the myriad of human communities, face to face, seeing, hearing, touching? Maybe that is the problem – people don’t want to be seen, or touched, or to be heard without the machine between them and their listener/reader. What is the future for these digital dilettantes? To what extant are these digital communities escapes from this world with its demands and need for more than technical skills? Perhaps ego is an issue - these individuals are more intellectual, curious, smart than the average person, but find that this world rewards more than just those skills. This world rewards interpersonal skills, attractiveness, the ability to communicate in person, and it frustrates many of the on-line adherents who then recreate themselves on-line.

However, human nature never really changes. These communities have also developed a gang mentality. I was struck by Jason’s pronouncement that his Wikipedia entry was being ‘protected’ by friends and that is what you have to do when you reach certain notoriety. There was more than a little pride in that announcement. Perhaps that is why he came down. He needed to protect his dignitas from common vandals and doing digitally wasn't enough. Maybe he wanted to see if he could recruit or pick up more status by overwhelming a group with his knowledge - so knowledgeable that he can outsmart the web elite by beating their system. No longer gun slingers - have camera and taperecorder will travel.

Pesky wiki flies

2006-10-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

My thoughts about last night’s Jason Scott lecture on the problems with Wikipedia and the wiki-hacker movement to save it from its founder’s ego are like pesky flies buzzing around my head – I having trouble focusing on killing one because they are all a pain. I think I need to create different posts for each issue.

I see Wikipedia as just another source of information that can be used, but one must be careful - maybe even more careful than with other sources because of its open structure. Its allure is that it is so easy, free, and presents itself in an attractive fashion. It has visuals, easy to access links to related material, and what could be more attractive to Americans than a democratic forum where only the best information wins the day. The issues, if I understood Jason, are that Wiki… presents itself as democratic, without a point of view, and a free forum. When, perhaps, it is really a benevolent dictatorship or oligarchy, with multiple points of view that one is not able to nail down and filter, and is not free so much as the illusion of freedom. My previous allusion to Animal Farm was to connect to the idea of a sham reality – a society that is sold into believing what it is not. It’s the same place but with new owners. When I view a source such at the Catholic Encyclopedia, which I use mainly because it is free and comprehensive, I know its point of view and can judge if this point of view is influencing the information I am reading. You can’t do that with Wikipedia – you never know the point of view and can’t believe it if you are told it exists since everyone is hiding behind multiple personalities.

I continue with the idea I lifted from the Wikipedia posts and that is one must treat the information as one would a messy filing cabinet filled by many owners. There are gems, but you must work to get them.

Revolution

2006-10-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

Revolutionary moments attract those who are not good enough for established institutions as well as those who are too good for them. Author: George Bernard ShawSource: Androcles and the Lion

I thought this quote fit nicely with my thoughts about Wikipedia and now Citizendium. Wikipedia really does appear a revolution in the directed, wide spread distribution of information by both the unwashed masses and academic elites. Like all revolutions. It starts as a reaction to the narrowness or abuses of the status quo, and then warps out of control, which leads to a reversal or crackdown. I quote Shaw again because I think Wikipedia and Citizendium are rushing to this state,

Revolutions have never lightened the burden of tyranny: they have only shifted it to another shoulder. Author: George Bernard ShawSource: Man and Superman--"The Revolutionist's Handbook"

Who better but an Irishman to understand the difficulty of revolution and tyranny?

To what extent is Sanger taking the free wheeling revolution of Wikidom (it they can make up words, why not me) and imposing his own sense of control, a tyranny over what are appropriated sources of information, a tyranny of the mind. How quickly this revolution is coming back to control of a few, a reflection of the rapid spread of information. Look at how Citizendium introduces itself (a cynical view):
The Citizendium, a "citizens' compendium of everything," will be an experimental new wiki project that combines public participation with gentle expert guidance. It will begin life as a "progressive fork" of Wikipedia. But we expect it to take on a life of its own and, perhaps, to become the flagship of a new set of responsibly-managed free knowledge projects. We will avoid calling it an "encyclopedia," because there will probably always be articles in the resource that have not been vouched for in any sense.
We believe a fork is necessary, and justified, both to allow regular people a place to work under the direction of experts, and in which personal accountability--including the use of real names--is expected. In short, we want to create a responsible community and a good global citizen.
Where are Napoleon and Snowball? They use language of revolution “citizen compendium” and a voice for “regular people,” but with the caveat of “gentle expert guidance” and “under the direction of experts.” Who defines ‘expert’ but those in control and in most situations the selection is obvious. However, it was experts who told us of WMDs and that we had enough troops on the ground. It will be the expert who determines if Clinton was impeached on legal ground, if we are experiencing global warning, and if Columbus was an explorer or a pirate. And to what extent is ‘gentle guidance’ and ‘direction’ the deletion of an edit or new topic by someone with a different point of view?
I believe that both sites can co-exist, but, perhaps, with one assuming status as the truer source of information and the other a collection of thoughts to be treated as original documents, not expert sources. I like this post from a disaffected St. Anne (how does an assumed name reflect who we want to be and what we are not currently)
gone after a few short weeks. "This is not (and likely never will be) an encyclopedia. It is more like the large filing cabinet stuffed with clippings, half finished projects, notes, the travel pamphlet collection, manuals for obsolete software and long discarded small appliances, and odd photos etc. that sits in my den and that I will sort through someday".
Perhaps the great value and differentiation of Wikipedia will be is value as a source or both information and a window into cultural opinions and values.

Walt Moon

2006-10-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

All my life, I have lived with the legacy of Vietnam. My family lived in Okinawa from 1961 – 1964 so my father could serve in country running a Special Forces unit and still be reasonably close to his family. I celebrated my 13th birthday while he served his second tour. I remember coming home to my mother crying (and she never cried) the day my father told her he had volunteered to go back – he needed a combat battalion to get to full colonel. That was 1970, right after Tet. The promotion wouldn’t happen – something happened where he would not do something he felt was wrong. He came home disgusted. I spent a whole year wondering if he would come home. I can still feel that terrible sense of dread, sadness, and mouth dry with fear as I imagined what life would be without my father, my hero. I have letters to and from him that provide a wonderful view of teenage angst and silliness. I was one of the fortunate few born in that wonderful window when you didn’t even have to register for the draft, never mind having to worry about it – a legacy of the stupidity of the war.

When I go the Vietnam Wall, I look up in to the very beginning of the Wall and look for Walt Moon. He was my father’s best friend. He went to Vietnam because he needed combat duty and experience. He was a great officer, but the kind that is best running the plans and thinking tactics. He was captured in a firefight trying to save a soldier. He tried to escape several times and was finally executed, beheaded. The first time I saw my father cry was telling his story. Walt Moon haunts me. His fate is the fear I lived with for a year and more – the capricious nature of war, man and that terrible hubris that destroys young lives. I am glad that I can write about him because I realize I spend a part of me keeping him alive – this is part of that task. Visit him – verify the transient nature of immortality on the net.

After you visit him, look at the Frontline website and read about this generation’s war. I saw this the other evening and it ruined my evening slumber. In many ways Iraq is worse than Vietnam because it is the war that we swore we would always avoid. It is another war of hubris, mismanagement, and corporate greed. We feed our hubris and the war machine with our youth like Hades fed Cerberus with Trojans and Greeks. As an Army brat I could never understand those who protested against the war. While I’ll always be an Army brat, I can now understand those protesters. I’ll protest in words and the ballot box, the old fashioned American way.

It is for this that I will vote against anyone who supports this war in Iraq.

Village Pump this...

2006-10-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am cruising through Wikipedia - some observations. I am in the Village Pump (a slightly self-conscious name) and found a series of posts under the title "Editors Who Are Vandals, and Thugs and Ferals" (By the way, vandal and thug appear to fall in the category of the unthought-of racial bias I discussed in my last post) The posts sound like bad dialogue and names from Star Trek. Longhair is attacked by Durova over the Rfc and Gundagai page. There are comments by Golden Wattle and NuclearZerO. There are temper fits and all kinds of verbal carnage. My favorite line is "You cannot have dispute resolution by yourself and RfC is not a punishment." What’s wrong with multiple personalities? Based on the tone and tenor of the post, they could only resolve a dispute with oneself and Rfc does sound like punishment to me. Beam me up, Scottie.

Why is it that grown people run around with masquerade names? It really is like Warcraft where personas are put on before going into imaginary battle - in this case, content battle. I think the ethos of the site is diminished by the masquerade. It is too geeky and childish. It’s almost as geeky as sitting at home writing notes to your future self or an unknown audience you never know will read you stuff.

Bias ingrained

2006-10-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how stereotypes and bias are so natural to us that we use them, even in prominent magazines like the New Yorker, without question. Maybe the meme is so strong we can't help ourselves. It's also interesting to note that while stereotypes of certain groups are shunned by many, these same individuals will make stereotypical comments about other groups without thinking. For example, the New Yorker thinks nothing of saying in the Wikipedia article, "the Germans, champions of thoroughness" or refer to "devious Frenchman, Pierre Bayle." Can't a Frenchman be thorough and a German devious.

When we examine any source of information, we need to recognize that there is a Point of View and that the individual's own sense of what is right or wrong, their biases will be a filter for the information. With Wikipedia, unlike traditional reference guides, there is the advantage of have thousands of filters instead of a narrow few.

Empty yourself

2006-10-15T18:37:00.001-07:00

I'm having trouble with the video blogs. I can't watch them for very long - they tend to reflect much of our celebrity driven culture. However, it probably makes sense since I don't watch much TV and infrequently go to the movies. When I watch TV, I switch channels a lot and then give up. My wife and I made a resolution this year to see one movie a month in the theater or on video/CD. I think we've seen four so far. My interest in blogs, I realize, is the combination of reading and gathering information. I don't learn from viewing as easily as reading or listening. This has been a real issue for my students, who tend to be visual, and I've had to work hard to change. In fact, an issue with many teachers, according to my lunch conversations with colleagues, is that most of us were the kind of student who could sit still and listen and learn from a lecture. As a result, we tend to talk too much in class and assume everyone is as interested in out topic as we are - wrong.

There was a sad article in the Courant today about a young girl who died of an overdose and how sad her life was. It seems as if many blogs and videos reflect the sadness of this girl. There was a desperate need for her to communicate, to find happiness, but she kept getting in her own way. Instead of finding good, she looks for negatives. What I am saying so poorly is that there is something missing in many people's lives and they are using whatever medium they can to construct a reality for themselves, to fill, even temporarily, the vacuum. I teach Brave New World and I can see the emptiness of that world reflected in many people (it is amazing how prescient he was). Part of the emptiness is the endless circle of using or chasing material goods to fill human needs. People do not seek to grow individually, but try to create an image that will be acceptable to their desired society. The Internet, blogs and video blogs are substitutes for personal communication and creating understanding. And these sites are simply commercial vehicles to sell us more goods. The more I reflect upon it, Gautama was right, we need to empty ourselves to be happy. I think blogging and, specifically, video blogging won't help. It creates, for many, the illusion of communication and connection, not true knowledge and happiness.

The sheriff is in town

2006-10-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

I think I understand why Google spent a boatload on YouTube - they are afraid. They realize that there is a huge demographic who will interact (I can't say read) with a video for longer and with greater retention than with the written word. Google wants to capture that market while eliminating a potential competitor. They don't want to have happen to them what happened to Microsoft and IBM. IBM gave the software business to Microsoft because they thought hardware was most important. Microsoft gave the search engine business away because they thought it was a marginal business. Google did two things - captured the business and made it legit by spending so much money. Even those who know nothing about video blogging are interested. Money on the street is to business and finance like blood in the water is to sharks.

For better or worse, this is the beginning of the end for the frontier element of video blogging on YouTube. The sheriff has moved in with the railroad - business needs to be protected, products sold, and the Malkin issue will happen again. This medium is now in the real world of mainstream business and the money is too large to allow too much edge. It time to pasteurize..

Last run

2006-10-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight was my last run before the Half Marathon on Saturday. I had a bad run on Monday so I figured I would run a slow two miler. Mo was walking. It was dusk and we rushed to get to the Airline Trail so we would still have some light. There was a light drizzle and leaves blanketed the trail. I started slow and felt good so I decided to speed up and stretch another mile, and I continued to feel good. I didn't have my IPod so it was my usual heavy footfall and labored breath that created the rhythm of the run. I shouldn't say I run - it's more like lumbering. After all these years, there is still no grace in my stride, which is so off I wear long socks because my heels periodically scape the inside of my legs. My breathing has always been heavy, no matter the miles I put on.

Mo went to Jean's mother's funeral, and I recently used the Five Stages of Grief in class as a tool to understand an epic character. All of this must have been on my mind, a mind partially starved for oxygen and wandering. At the run's half way point there is a canopy of trees and then a road, so you have the impression of a tunnel with light at its end, especially at edge of dusk and night. The leaves were thick and still in color as they lay on the ground. The image of the tunnel with a light at its end, the one so many near death survivors describe, came to my mind. I thought of Frost and roads taken and not taken. I thought about banking and teaching. I hoped that our tunnel is not a sterile, black and white one. I hope that God grants us a tunnel like the one I saw before me, with a cool drizzle, the rhythm of feet and breath on a wet trail, and a lifetime of leaves carpeting the way.

It continued to get darker at the end of the run, still good. I picked up the pace and came to the end, ironically the most dense, dark part of the run. Mo would be done with her walk and waiting. The tunnel came to mind again, and I kept running, and running, hoping, once more for this tunnel, and at its end, the people I love.

....
What I've come to like about blogging is that I can come home and write about everyday events for me to read in the future. And the sense of a potential reader of two shapes the words I use and makes it more concrete and interesting.

Crutch

2006-10-10T18:43:00.000-07:00

I took a look at YouTube and the first thing I saw was Crutch! I used to be a board member at Easter Seals so have always had an interest in how people with disabilities seem to thrive within and expand their limitations rather than be limited by them. You can't describe something like Crutch!, which is why YouTube is so interesting. Most people are visually oriented so I imagine that is why Google put out the money they did for this site or service. I was unsure what interest the site would have since many of the videos I've seen on blogs have not been all that interesting. It is amazing what people do with their time.

Rousseau at the National Gallery

2006-10-10T18:33:00.000-07:00

For those that like Henri Rousseau, there is a wonderful exhibit currently running at the National Gallery. I posted one of his original paintings, which was laughed at by traditional artists, but embraced by artist such as Picasso. He is interesting because he truly believed in his art, and no matter how he was mocked, he continued to paint. We are all the beneficiaries of his persistence. There a lesson in there somewhere.

Old dog, new trick

2006-10-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

I hope it's more interesting...this could become addictive.

2006-10-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

Is there blogging etiquette?

And if there is, who made the rules? I just read my blog and found, much to my delight, comments on several of the entries. It was great. I want to say thank you, and I certainly now will comment more often because I know how it feels to be acknowledged on some level. But it would be interesting and fun to find or formulate an etiquette. What a better place to explore or implement this service than in a class devoted to the study of blogging.

2006-10-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm going back in the archives and looking at all the blogs I missed or did not quite understand. I have found reading many of the blogs confusing or uninteresting. I'm a little put off by dooce, especially when I see the pictures of her daughter (who really is cute) and the personal details of her life. It reminds me of reality TV or the Truman Show. I suspect its an age thing (I'm 49 tomorrow) or, perhaps, a cultural issue. The sense I got was that she is selling a little of herself, and her daughter.

I went searching for new blogs by experimenting with hitting the next blog key. It was great. I found this blog with wonderful pictures of Hong Kong (check out the chicken feet). I commented and asked if I can use some of the pictures in my class. My only concern is how will I know if they commented. The adventure continues...

2006-10-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

I went looking for other blogs and issues and came up with this one. I'm a voter in the 2nd so I have an interest in this race. This shows the tit for tat that can occur when you have a fringe element blogging in the race. However, keeping in mind Colin's observation about dirty tricks happening at the end of 2nd District races, one could theorize the usefulness of a blog purposely, but in a non-official way, spreading a damaging rumor. Listening to Tim talk, I don't think a responsible group would do it, but there certainly is a history of these things happening. The most vivid for my generation being the Nixon examples.

2006-10-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

I meant to add that what I've enjoyed about blogging is the sense of discovery, newness. It's like researching when you start looking to go somewhere and you end up in a completely different place.

2006-10-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

Frodo lives...

In my serious rambles to find blogs I came across 'Connecticut Bob' and then looked into his links and found 'Connecticut Weblogs', probably old hat to most, but a great find for me. Who cares about this politic stuff when there are really important blogs like 'Tolkien Geek.' It's great - at least to those of us who used to read Lord of the Rings several times a year in high school and college. I can't believe the amount of work that went into it.

2006-10-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

Last night was about as interesting as it gets. There was a sense that we were watching a change happen with the current style of politics confronting the new reality of politics. Tim visually and stylistically looked the blogger – headphones on before class, controlled, tenseness in his demeanor, rapid non-modulated voice, and passion bubbling under the surface. Dan was about working the room, relaxed, thanking everyone, reinforcing why he was there and his objectivity, handling criticism right off the bounce and sending it back. I spent 24 years working with wonderful salespeople, and Dan fit the part. This is compliment, not a criticism. Thinking about it, both styles are necessary, as Tim acknowledged with his comment about the importance of the other parts of the campaign. And Dan’s decision to insert himself in the campaign and take valuable time to visit a small class at Trinity on blogging speaks to the power and reality of the medium.

In teaching, we are taught that people have different learning styles – visual, audile, tactile, etc. It would then make sense that campaigns must use different medium to promote their message. What blogging appears to have done is allow a group, who might not be very good communicating in other mediums, to stretch their voices in a dramatic way because they have knowledge and ability other don’t – blogging. The passion, curiosity and skill that lead them to technology easily transfer themselves to politics. Because of its ‘newness’ and mysteriousness, it has generated a lot of buzz. The question is will the medium continue to create buzz. Can it withstand the attacks to its credibility; its soft underbelly of the nut fringe? Tim spoke of it as a concern because it could be easily twisted.

2006-10-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

A day to mark with a white stone…

It’s my fourth year as a teacher. An old student, Charlene, freshman at St. Joseph’s, came to visit. We chatted briefly. A teacher’s day is so busy I can’t explain it. I was talking, setting out books, fixing desks, and putting up my PowerPoint for class, and trying to be attentive. As she was leaving, she said, as an aside, “By the way, my English professor asked me to bring in a copy of my favorite piece of literature and I brought in Gilgamesh. I thought of you and class.” I stopped and was stunned. This lovely, Latina young women, who struggled with many aspects of English, had actually heard me and kept it as a part of her. A few weeks ago, another student, Cindy, who used to make fun of me for being so boring, visited school. She’s at Columbia. She made the effort to stop and talk. She told me that they had finish the Iliad and were about to move onto the Odyssey, which I teach. I asked her what they discussed and she told me “Oh, you know nostos, kleos, the stuff we had in your class.” I was so pleased at her casualness, that “the stuff in your class” was old hat for a freshman at Columbia. I write this for the future, so the next time I quit teaching, which I do several times a year, I stop for a moment and think about legacy.

This ability to simply write for oneself and know that it will be there for the future is one happy, unintended benefit of learning about blogging.

2006-10-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

I read Dan's also Brenda's blogs. Two comments: Dan compares bloggers to people who follow a show and then discuss it constantly. The issue is that some blogs are like these viewers, but there are also now bloggers who are producers, creators. They create the environment in which the blogs respond and then present the response as if it spontaneously grew from the community. The line between reality and created,fake reality is blurred. Sorry for the oxymoron.

Brenda's issue is one that makes sense to me - that is there is no filter, editor, in blogging. Ideas are raw, and good is easily mixed with bad. Credibility is the issue because there is no attempt at building ethos. Pathos is presented as if it were logos, emotion becomes logic in the minds of many bloggers and their readers either give up or choose not to differentiate the material.

2006-10-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I’m catching up…

I can’t stand the tone and tactics of most of the political blogs I’ve read. They remind me of the ads you’d see in the good old days of ‘yellow journalism.’ There appears to be little information and a lot of disinformation. The Lieberman blog was offensive, as can be said for many of the Lamont ads. The Lamont blog seems more reasonable – I liked the disclaimer, whether it is followed or not, I can’t say. If, as Colin says, these are the frontier days of the blog, then we need to approach all of them with great skepticism. However, and I sigh as I read my last line, it is with great skepticism that we approach all things to do with politics. Everything is about spin, and we must fish out the information we need from this whirlpool. My sense is that blogs will make it worse for the most malleable voters. They will build upon existing bias and distort real information.

By the way, I’m a poor voter to listen to because I rarely vote for the winner. I still can’t believe CT voted in Rowland the first time. Where was the press when they buried the police report about his confrontation or fight with his first wife? By the way, more than one person from Waterbury spoke of the fight as if they were there and looked at me with incredulity when I questioned the rumor about his infidelity (the meme, is it rumor or simply libel, includes a shower, an angry wife and a former girlfriend). Now, it is interesting that I passed on a rumor that I’d heard from someone, who heard it from someone, etc. I think the critical difference between the transfers of this meme to me in person is that I could easily judge the credulity of the person, look for visual clues in body language, inflection of the voice, facial expression. You can’t do that with a blog, and that is the problem.

By the way, while I don't generally vote for winning candidates, I feel that I have been correct in my votes.

2006-10-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Back from a long weekend in DC. the capitol of the nation and, apparently, of memes. We were down for Family Weekend at CUA, which was a lot of fun. DC is my favorite city – there is so much to do and see. It also has a unique energy and feel, much different than Boston, Chicago or New York. I make the trip 5 to 6 times a year. The Jersey Turnpike can get old, but in the end it is worth it.

Since our discussion started about memes, I’ve been trying to look at information and images around me in a different way, to see how ideas just seem to happen. Interestingly, I noticed all over the DC Metro these ads from companies that I never see in Connecticut and products that did not fit the consumer market. Why would Raytheon place ads about a cargo plane, or UTC have an ad about a Coast Guard helicopter in the Metro? No Senator or Congressman is going to work on the Metro. Why the ad? The only reason I could come up with is that these companies are looking to create name recognition and ‘buzz’ with those people who work for those in power and funding, and get them talking or at least recognizing names and products so that when they come up in discussion there is a comfort and familiarity. The lobbyist work to create memes in their ways with contributions, information and perks, and the companies create visual memes, or clues, for the workers in the hope that they will all mesh into a funded project.

Blogs, I think, are simply devices, tools to pass on information that is placed elsewhere. I would be curious to see if blogs create memes, or are nothing other than a highway for the idea. My sense is that they are more a transfer device than a creative one. Perhaps I will find I'm wrong the more I search.

2006-09-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

My son, age 15, is talking to me about school. One nice thing about teaching is that I'm home to speak with him. I know so much more about his daily life than I did with my two oldest, even though I am very close to both of them. He is telling about mentos and diet coke and how if combined, they explode. He tells me there is a website. I said it must be some urban legend, but he is going to connect me to the site. Now we're talking about the French Revolution and he is laughing about his teacher's drawing stick figures on the board. All of this is happening while I sit in my living room thinking about memes.

I realize our conversation is meme centric - the story about the mentos and coke, the legends about the French Revolution. Yesterday, on the way home from school, we talked about Napoleon and if he were a better general than Wellington (my son is a history fan). I assume the meme in France would favor Napoleon while the meme in England would favor Wellington. That is where I have questions on some of the meme theory. If memes are like genes in a natural selection process, than they must also tend to be local in nature. The meme is a creature of the environment in which it exists. So a meme in France, the same fact, morphs within the limits of its cultural context and becomes altered from the meme in England.

My post also reflects the appeal of blogging. My conversations with Sam are now captured for anyone who chooses to read it, and, more important, to the future me that will read it again some day.

2006-09-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'm reading the Rapaille interview with "Frontline" and I'm outraged. How can he make a blanket statement about a culture or country, telling us " The ideal life for a German person is when they just have to obey; the administration is in charge of everything and controls everything, and you don't have to worry about anything," and "American culture is a very basic instinct." How narrow and absurd. If Germans and French are controlled, why are the sections of the country heavily populated by them not controlled in the same way- do they all of the sudden change when the arrive in America? American culture is so diverse, with all sorts of people, some newly arrived, some going back to the Mayflower and beyond. Is a New Englander like a Georgian or Californian? I understand that people share common characteristics, but it smacks of bigotry, racism, to make the type of blanket statements he is making. I think of Lincoln's comment about fooling some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time. You can replace 'fool' with manipulated. He uses the Hummer and PT Cruiser as examples to prove his point because he is caught up in his own perception that short term cultural popularity equates to success. How many of these cars were actually sold relative to the market. They made the news, a short term flash and profit, but they don't prove that his theory is correct. Maybe a small Cadillac won't sell because it is overpriced, underpowered, ugly and poorly built, not "off code." I am teaching archetypal literary theory to my classes at this time, so I believe there are primordial and universal codes in our DNA. However, I am having trouble with the way in which he is using these ideas.

2006-09-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

OK, this is getting a little easier to do.

Ravings is the appropriate verb for the semi-sane madwomen. Ironically, while her blog was more visuall interesting, it's content reminded me of the ultra conservative e-mails my father sends me. For sure, they are the polical opposite, but their anger and extremes mute their effect. I was surprised to see her positive comments about Governor Rell. It would seem that someone so into conspiricy and the wrongdoings of govenment would be repelled by the Governor. I am surprised by Rell's popularity - how she has avoided being tied to the wrongdoings of her and Rolwand's administration is a mystery. Perhaps, it is a function of having few other choices or the simple acceptance that politics function that way.

I read "Nonsense Now" and "Coffee Rhetoric" for the past week and think I prefer the Nutmeg and Raving blogs better. At first, I found "Coffee Rhetoric" interesting because I could not understand why someone would put so much of their personal life into the public domain. I found it kind of sad. Then I found the year review where she explains her motivation for blogging, for the opportunity to write with a purpose, to help unblock writing energy. This made me realize that much of what we read is more purposeful and audience directed than simple ramblings. "Nonsense Now" strikes me as very self aware and directed toward the class and friends.

2006-09-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

I have been sampling all the different blogs and the word that keeps popping up is 'different.' I went back to Nutmeg Grater and imagine this is a morph of the original weblogs that were designed to connect to sites or information the blogger found interesting. Nutmeg certainly has a wide range of interests and her comments can be amusing. How could you not like a blogger whose heart was broken by the "traitor" Johnny Damon. As I viewed this blog and others, I can't help but ask why they do what they do. It's as if they, or we, have so much to say and no one to say it to, so we blog.

I still find blogging uncomfortable. I'm embarrassed to say I lost my blog for a while and then it took me a long time to figure out how to ceate a new post. For a blogger it might seem laughable, but I realize how little I know about this area of technology and how my mind works differently than the blogs I've read.

2006-09-23T04:42:00.000-07:00

little about little

2006-09-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Yikes! I'm in.

It is really interesting to think that this will be floating in space. There is the sense of intimacy yet the understanding that one is out in the world for all to see. The analogy that comes to mind is that this is like a person in an interview room with one of those huge, mirrored walls. They are alone looking at themselves in the mirror. They can't see beyond the mirror, only their reflection, but they know someone could be looking in, yet they never know if, when or who. I sit in my easy chair typing away, never knowing who or when someone will read this. At some point in time, since there will probably be little feedback, the aloneness, the intimacy, of the medium might seduce one into saying what they would not otherwise commit to print. This could be dangerous and fun.